I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
