So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
