then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
