I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
