the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
