I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
