listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
