I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
