u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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