Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
