Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
