Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
