So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
