There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
