chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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