OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The Olympian is in my bed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
