Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All the doctor said was why
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
