I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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