I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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