there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
