it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
