We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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