I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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