Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i came on her dog
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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