I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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