And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Porn is love you can see.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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