Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
