Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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