lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
