im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
