The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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