So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
