I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
