IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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