I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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