She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
vagina is talking i cant
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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