yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
