I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
