I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
