I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's intense
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
