You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
