There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
