Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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