i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
