i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
