um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
that is very illegal...i love you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
