I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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