I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
