They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
