i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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