We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
