i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
